helllllpppppppppp!!!!!! I should be in bed, Anise is asleep, I am exhausted but instead I am surfing and watching tv at the same time!! I dread going to sleep because I know I will be woken up, but all I want more than anything is to go to sleep!
Something feels wrong. I nurse too much. Could there be such a thing? Who determines how much someone should nurse? Who is counting besides me? It's just if I look around I don't see other babies nursing as much. Again does it matter? I can think in circles, no- spirals, I oscillate between my angst, and then my wise woman telling me that it is all okay. I guess I should be listening to the Wise One but these days the Anxious One is crying pretty loudly.
Ok, she is teething, and has a cold. Not an appropriate time to be making changes. But I am having regrets. I know, I know, my wise friend warned me about hindsight, yet I can't help but think that I am responsible for some of the sleep issues we are having. I had a newborn who was practically sleeping through the night. Anise was a great sleeper, and in her crib too, all until the age of 51/2 months and it all went downhill. Slowly. Now she is in our bed (which has been moved on to the floor) and nursing at least every 2 hours, sometimes more, oh and going to sleep after 10!! I feel I am losing control, but is control just an illusion? I love that at 10 months old her will is strong and clear. Why would I want to stifle that?
Now it is the next day and I have a bit more perspective. Hope maybe, or optimism, or blind delusion? I reread my book, Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution. So far it has been a no sleep no-cry sleep solution. This morning I thought ok, I HAVE to make more of an effort to re-establish the nighttime routine, I HAVE to get her to sleep earlier, I HAVE to be more determined and I HAVE to do things right. Then I thought no, screw this, I HAVE to stop reading, and stop listening to someone else, and keep listening to Anise and to myself (well, to half of myself). Because either option will not help Anise sleep, and one will make me feel bad about what I am doing, and the other option will let myself off the hook. Either way I will be tired.
What should I do???
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What to do? Here are two:
ReplyDelete1. If you know you can make more effort, make it. Do establish a nighttime routine. Routines are hard to establish but the sanity is worth it. 10 months is precisely when I realized I needed both a consistent nap and night-time routine.
2. Don't listen to me. Listen to someone who sounds a lot like you and is another wise, sleep-deprived woman: Wendy at www.motherrising.blogspot.com
Tell her I sent you.
Found your blog through karen.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm hooked!
As for the sleep, its' a hard one.
Sleep time rituals do seem to help, so long as they are ones that work for you and baby/child.
And they take time to become rituals.
oh mika, i don't know anything and found myself in the same position as you. i read that book to, then sold it. what i chose to do is to accept that satch is the expert and being satch. as for naps, i watch for signs of fatigue then help ease him into slumber. it's not always the same time everyday, but i have a rough idea. i have to go with the flow because just when i think i've got him figured out, he throws me a curve ball. sometimes, a quick nurse helps him nap. sometimes, i need to step away and let him watch a mellow video. sometimes, it's a stroller ride. and sometimes there is simply no nap. he used to nap in the morning, now it's the afternoon, but on occasion he'll fall asleep before lunch just to keep me guessing...i guess. as for night sleeping. he used to nurse on demand until fairly recently when i realized that i could reason with him a little. i tell him before sleep that he can wake me up only two times for milk and after that he needs to wait until morning. (at which point we swiftly go downstairs to eat before he asks for boob again) i do believe that emotional needs can be just as valid as physical needs so i try to honor that. so, i never actually refuse to nurse him...i make other offers or try to redirect him, but if he seems upset then i accept that it must be an emotional need and allow him to nurse. the process of child-led weening is a slow one.
ReplyDeletei don't know anything, but i do know my son, so i trust that we are teaching each other.
i try to remember that one day...he will sleep through the night like everyone else does...unless of course he's like his daddy who is a terrible sleeper. oh i hope not.
sending you restful wishes,
wendy the sleepwalking mama
fatigue typos- "satch is the expert at being satch" and "i read that book too"....
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