Routine

Ok, finally a minute to write. I don't know how those other moms do it.

Things have gotten better. Anise has gone to bed earlier 3 days in a row now. My wise friend (not me) whose name starts with M (ok, she is also my best friend and her name is MARIA) has a great theory. She says that babies change naturally when we are ready for them to change. Maybe that is what happened. All I had to do was read the book, and Anise decided she could go to sleep earlier. We did, however, lose our nap karma.

The thing with routine is that I hate it and I crave it. I used to be depressed as a kid because every day was the same. I hated waking up at the same time, doing homework at the same time, going to sleep at the same time. I love change and I looked forward to things being different. Then they were. My career has no routine, sometimes I work a lot, sometimes I go long stretches with nothing. Every concert is with different people in different places, rehearsals at different times etc. All I dream about is becoming settled, when I can finally settle into a routine and breathe a sigh of relief, as if time will stop. It is as if routine represents not having to think, or make decisions. My husband has a routine with an office job, so I live through his routine. His routine means that weekends are real weekends, and a day has a clear destination (6:45), so I can structure my day around his schedule.

When I read all of my baby books I came to understand the importance of routine. At first it depressed and overwhelmed me. I didn't think I would be able to do it. I tried, but when they are little there isn't much of a routine. We did the bath/bedtime routine without fail every day from when she was about 3 months old. Then all of a sudden it stopped working, she wouldn't go to sleep. So I went with her. Then I worked on getting her bedtime back on track by advancing it 15 min a day. That worked. Then we went to France. Then she got even smarter. Then I gave up on the routine because I was spending 2 hours trying to get her to sleep. Now I can't decide when she should go down, I can't nurse her to sleep if she doesn't want to go to sleep, she figured out how to crawl out of bed! Then I decide to let her play until she was ready (10:00pm). Then I got very upset. Now she is going to sleep a little earlier. Now we will re-establish the routine.

Now when I look at our day, I realize there is a very well established routine. It has been there for a long time, but I wasn't seeing it. I think once a routine is engraved you don't feel it, it just happens. It is hard to balance the routine with allowing it to waver. Today Anise missed her morning nap completely, only the second time since she was born! (the first time was last week). What to do? It threw off the whole day! I decided to let it go, and get on with our day. Is this a new trend, is she giving up her morning nap?

They change so fast, yet the change is so gradual. Things happen that are different, yet they are not necessarily new trends. Routines establish themselves, yet their rhythm is always changing. Everything is a contradiction, yet it all makes sense.

It's funny, I have an awareness as I write or talk about naps and sleeping, that soon this will not be an issue. I see how mundane and boring the topic is (try talking to someone without kids), but that is the focus of our life right now. We are entrenched in the puzzle of sleep. Funny how we all end up sleeping through the night.