Another World

Who knew. There is a whole world out there. A blogging world, a community where people interact and chat and share. Like facebook. I innocently joined and then found out that there is a whole world out there, goings on , conversations, gifts and photos. All of this happenning without me. It was like being in high school again, everyone is collecting friends, but I am left out. Not really left out, I do have friends and my count is growing, slowly.

The definition of community and belonging has certainly changed. It is easier to find like-minded spirits, but it is sad that we don't actually meet.

Yesterday my mom made lunch for me, my mother-in-law who is in from out of town, and her aunt who is also visiting. My workaholic mother-in-law commented that "all the men are at work, and the women are having lunch". Thanks. No only is motherhood not a job, but neither is being a musician. Being home with a child is misleading, because one can socialize, one can talk on the phone, go for walks, have a picnic. That doesn't sound like work. But what I can't do is practice, make important business phone calls, write grant applications (especially coherent ones), plan programs, send out cd proposals, print out brochures, ok stop. And what is wrong with having lunch?

I don't know, this whole women's lib thing...Have we really gained a choice? We lost our community of other women who are doing the same thing. I am sure some must have enjoyed it, no? We gained the right to be torn between work and family. We gained the right to make our husbands feel bad because they have to go to work (someone has to!). We gained sensitive men who feel pressure to be home, help out, wake up at night, go to work, make money and be successful. We have become women who can't work to our potential, feel tremendous guilt, or give up on their dreams. True equality is one parent being home with their children (someone has to), but it should be either men or women staying home. Or Women taking one year, and then men taking one year. But this situation has to change.

I thought I was lucky, I thought I had the best of both worlds. My career is not full time, I work often in the evening and weekends, and I could make my own schedule. But it is not ideal. The emotional energy it takes to perform and prepare is far greater than I knew. I was doing it unconsciously, and now that I don't have the time or headspace, I can't perform, or plan , or organize to the level I am capable of. Not to mention the fact that I don't make any money.

Well, that was my rant for the day, now I am going to go back to drinking my excellent cappuccino, which I am drinking at a cafe while sitting outside on a terrace on a gorgeous sunny day, with free wireles, a sleeping baby and sleeping dog next to me. Does life get any better?