We don't think when we have a baby that it is possible for a baby to take care of us. After Anise was born, my body was literally coming apart at the seams. A week after my bigger than average cesearian, I discovered I had a broken rib. The medication they gave me for the rib gave me an allergic reaction, I was seriously sick to my stomach, and the next day I broke out in hives. The day after that my incision began to reopen. I could barely walk, I was having drenching night sweats, and I was in unbearable pain breastfeeding. I have never been sick before, and was never expecting to be like this after giving birth. I was so frustrated, angry, and disappointed. And Anise took care of me. She was calm, gentle, and she slept. She communicated as she looked at me with wise eyes. She smiled. She played by herself. She was content for hours on her little chair while we had nice calm dinners. She had a four hour stretch of sleep every night when we needed it most. She waited until I was back on my feet to challenge me, and then did it gradually!
Today Anise took care of me. Just when we were at our lowest: Husband was sick all weekend with excruciating pain, (after 2 months of non-stop work, one and a half weeks of vacation spent in bed sick, 2 months of little sleep) he could no longer function, and I (as was obvious from my latest posts) was fraught with anxiety about everything possible, plus we had to do the dreaded "sleep training".
Our babysitter canceled today (I have to admit I was relieved), so I decided to tackle the naps. No more excuses. She cried VERY hard for 40 minutes. I stayed with her, tried to lie her down when she stood up. She didn't seem tired enough, and she was MAD, I was sure this would never work. Then something extraordinary happened. I cried. As soon as Anise saw me cry she stopped crying. She looked at me, her eyes wide with amazement. She stared at me, and then she listened. I told her she had to go to sleep, by herself, in her crib. I told her I understood that this was difficult for her, that it was new and different, but that it would be good for her. She watched me cry, and then she fell asleep. She slept for an hour. Her reaction to my crying was really amazing, I never would have expected it. I am sure she is an angel, sent from somewhere...
Thank you again, cyber friends, for your encouragement and support.
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I'm glad I read this. It gives me something to hold on to. My 4-month old does not like to nap anywhere but ON me (occasionally she sleeps in the stroller on walks). Today we tried the crib, and she cried hard for 30 minutes until I gave up. Then I put her in her swing (usually that works) but she was so distraught she continued to cry for 20 minutes. Then I took her out, to her room, and rocked her until she fell asleep on me, and stayed asleep for 90 minutes. My back is sore.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's too young for this yet? But she sleeps at night for her father just fine. It's me and napping that are troublesome.
This is a beautiful story. I feel like what you describe here is love itself. With the people we love who love us, we take turns falling apart so that one of us is always available to take care of the other.
ReplyDeleteYay, Anise! Yay, Mika.
xo Jena
And yesterday Georgia said to me, "Mom, when is your next trip?" I asked why. She said with deep empathy, "Because you need to get away from all this work."
ReplyDeleteThey are not the enemy. We only sometimes see them as such.
Kathryn - I have no idea what I am doing, so I am not a good person to ask. Part of me thinks we should have done some of this earlier, but part of me also thinks we are doing it now because we are all ready for this now. I think I would have had a harder time letting a 4 month old cry. But what I have learned from all of this is that it is always worth trying things. You could always try like you did, but give yourself a time limit, it doesn't have to be very long, she may surprise you. Another thing to do is to keep varying the way Claire falls asleep, so you don't get suck in a rut with only one thing that works. Something else I learned (from Karen) is when trying something new (like crib) try when she is already exhausted.
ReplyDeleteJena - thanks for pointing out beauty, I was forgetting to see it that way.
Karen - you should definitely listen to Georgia. I think I am the enemy.
Mika -
ReplyDeleteI told this story tonight to Aviva (she's five) as she screamed with cold getting out of the bath. By the time I got to the part about you crying and Anise stopping, she was riveted. Think: ripple effect.
xo Jena
Sometimes they are like these little mirrors holding up a reflection of our own tears.
ReplyDeleteAnd then we cry.
And sleep comes.
Mika - come by for a token of my gratitude,
ReplyDeletexo Jena
The work we go through for them is certainly for love, but also for our own teaching. I hope life is smoother for a while.
ReplyDelete