Thursday, January 31, 2008

Close Call

I was getting ready to strike a plan. A networking plan. I would send demo, try to re-audition, go to Toronto for the day to show my face and schmooze...and then my very best friend pointed out that I don't want to travel for work. Oh yeah, I forgot. I got so caught up striving for something I don't want. Why? to prove that I could get it? The competitive-ego-driven-sore-loser in me forgot. I forgot to stop. I have what I want. I freak out at the thought of one local concert, go nuts thinking I have to leave Anise one whole day for rehearsal, I want more kids, and I was going to try to get jobs in Toronto?! Am I nuts? How easily I can lose sight of reality, waste my energy by putting it in the wrong place at the wrong time. Thank goodness for my friend...

Maybe we only get exactly what we want. Nothing more nothing less.

6 comments:

  1. Let the future come to you.

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  2. What we want: Nothing more, nothing less.

    This post reminded me of a Linda Pastan poem I love:

    What We Want

    What we want
    is never simple.
    We move among the things
    we thought we wanted:
    a face, a room, an open book
    and these things bear our names -
    now they want us.
    But what we want appears
    in dreams, wearing disguises.
    We fall past,
    holding out our arms
    and in the morning
    our arms ache.
    We don't remember the dream,
    but the dream remembers us.
    It is there all day
    as an animal is there
    under the table,
    as the stars are there
    even in full sun.

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  3. Hey Mika -

    I saw a candle with "Star Anise" scent this morning at the market - made me think of you!

    xo Jena

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  4. I once heard, in response to the common complaint that "Life isn't fair" the response, "Life is fairer than we deserve." I try to remember that when I'm feeling disappointed. Sometimes it helps.

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  5. Mika,
    Reading your words of the last few weeks reminds me greatly of myself. It is hard to let go of habits of ambition, all the things we "should" do, to "get ahead."

    Great poem, Jena:

    My husband is always asking me what I want - says we'll find a way to make it work. Trouble is, I have a hard time identifying what I want, when it is put plainly. My wants are there, but like stars in the daytime, they are difficult to recognize, difficult to disambiguate from those things I'm just supposed to do.

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  6. Thank you all. Jena, that poem is beautiful. We buy everything "Anise" flavor,I haven't yet seen a candle!

    Sometimes it is easier to start with what we don't want.

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