I am in trouble. After what feels like a long time, but is really about 1 week, we have not gotten very far. Last night we did a real "cry-it-out" session with Anise in the middle of the night. She cried hard for 30 min, and 5 min later another round of almost 30 min. The rest of the night was ok. This morning I left Anise with babysitter, and after one and a half hours of constant crying I got called back. This afternoon I let her cry without going in her room (this was a first) for her nap (for which she was desperate because there was no morning nap), she cried for 35 min and then fell asleep, only to eake up 20 minutes later. So the "crying-it-out" philosophy isn't working, and the poor girl has been crying it out for most of the week.
All I could think of in the middle of the night was that this goes against everything that I believe. then I think of the plastic piano and I remember that I don't have to have beliefs about child raising, because all of my beliefs came from a time when I didn't have children, and didn't know.
My friend suggested that had I let her continue crying after she woke up from her nap (I did for 15 min) then she would have eventually fallen back asleep. Not true. I know my daughter. I took her for a walk right after that, hoping she would at least catch up on some sleep, but she never slept. if she could keep herself up on a walk, she could sure as hell keep herself up in her crib. Plus how long can a baby stay in her crib? At this point, we are both losing out on life. this nap saga has taken over, and it is time to get back to seeing the world.
The problem is, every time we try to change a habit, we lose the old way of getting her to sleep without gaining a new one.
I don't know what the hell to do.
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"I know my daughter." This stands out at me. You know Anise.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had something brilliant or even useful to say, in addition to witnessing your exhaustion & frustration and sense of hopelessness. Your post reminds me that with babies, there is no "old way" of doing things, or if there is, it probably lasted just long enough to feel like a habit. And how this is basically maddening. And how you're smack dab in the middle. I admire your self-awareness - your saying that you don't have any beliefs about raising children because you're forming them as you go.
What you do know is your daughter. You know yourself, and you know your love. And you know you don't know what to do. And Mika, that is something.
I want to write something ridiculous like, "Hang in there." Ugh.
With love,
xo Jena
Thank you Jena, that helps.
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