Today I had had it. I reached my limit. The day was screwed up, I was screwed up. Feeling guilty, angry, frustrated. I drove Husband absolutely crazy. I am trying to be strict with routine, but trying to include some activity. How do we have a routine when every day is different?
By this morning we had managed to totally screw up Anise's nap. She fell asleep in the car, (at the wrong time) and then we tried the good old fashioned transfer from car to crib. Nobody believes me when I say it doesn't work, so I thought why not try (again) so that I am not making false assumptions. Of course it didn't work, so we rushed her out in the stroller, but by then she was up and no sleep was coming. So we rushed home, her lunch was late, and I was pissed.
At that point I realized that I had no physical way of putting her to sleep for a nap anymore. Stroller was no longer working, rocking, nursing, car, singing, crib, cuddling, dancing, tv. Nothing.
So I lay down with Anise on my bed and I told her to go to sleep. And she did. She knows.
I am hoping this is a turning point.
And I can breathe a sigh of relief. I am mad at myself for all the emotional energy spent on this issue of sleep. But I can't get out of it. I don't know how.
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Mika -
ReplyDeleteYesterday we set off for a sugar-on-snow outing, thinking it would be a nice March Vermont outing with kids... we got there, it was about twelve degrees out, close to noon, and Pearl's fussing turned into full-blown crying. There were about ten people standing behind the counter with cider donuts, pickles, coffee - but they wouldn't serve us because it wasn't noon yet (ten more minutes) so we stood around waiting. Ate a snack finally, then left, feeling like the outing had been a failure. But then both kids fell asleep in the car and we drove around while they napped. When they woke up, we found ourselves near a brand-new ice-cream shop, so we got ice-cream cones, then spontaneously delivered Aviva to a friend's house.
During the drive, Greg told me this story he heard about a guy who was ice-climbing with a friend. They got into a seriously dangerous situation and the guy had to make the impossible decision to leave his friend hanging over a crevasse in order to save his own life.
The crevasse guy fell onto a ledge, where he knew he would eventually freeze to death. He had a rope and an injured leg. He, too, had to decide - he could either stay on the ledge, or go deeper into the crevasse without knowing whether there would be a way out. He decided to drop himself deeper down. He was amazed to see a shaft of light, and crawled his way out through some ice tunnel into the open. They both survived.
Why on earth, you are wondering, am I butchering this story and leaving you this unforgivably long comment? Your post today reminded me of this story - about going deeper into the crevasse sometimes in order to find the way out, counter-intuitive and difficult as that may be.
Please take or leave this accordingly. In any case, I'm thinking of you.
xo Jena
Thanks Jena, I love it.
ReplyDeletexo m
I never made a transfer happen either, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen on its own sometimes. I don't think you can get out of anything strategically. I think you have to set it down. In Buddhism this is what they call "transcendence." No way out.
ReplyDeleteAnything can be a turning point.
ReplyDeleteI hope this is one for you.
If all else fails, there is always giving up. giving up the transfer, the trying to make her sleep, needing for her to sleep, and seeing what happens on its own.
Thinking of you.
My kids are 4 and 5 and I still obsess on the sleep issue. I know where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteHi Kirsten - welcome. I guess it will never end...
ReplyDeleteEvery time I stop by your blog, I just want to give you a hug and tell you to take a few deep breaths (we flute players are masters of breathing, right?).
ReplyDeleteI talk to my young mother friends who obsess about their schedules and routines, who get so wound up and frustrated when the poor kid wants to snuggle, but not nap, when they want to get "important" things done. I do it too, but I'm starting to see that flexibility is so much easier for everyone. I just think things like food, sleep, air ... as long as we have the opportunity to get them if we need them, we get what we need; it works out.
*remind me to be flexible at 1:30am and again at 4:30am when kids want snuggles, but keep kicking me in their sleep.
Issues in our house are usually eating healthy and toileting.
ReplyDeleteSomething in the comments made me think - I always have the best days when I have goals - ideas of what to do with the boys - but no agenda, just go with the flow. And I'm always crankier when I just.want.to.get.something.done.
Glad you found such a wonderful local mom-time support group. Now that we're settling in, I need to start searching for mine.