New Words

Now that I am "free" I have no time! No time to write that is. I am tired. Partially because sleep isn't going so well in this house these days, and partially because I am releasing all the fatigue from a busy and emotional month.

But I did join the gym, and for that I get bonus points! Of course now I have to actually go. And in my current state of fatigue that is going to require 300% more effort than it normally would.

This is the week of second thoughts. I am having second thoughts about the babysitter. Second thoughts about our sleep solutions. I am losing the line between instinct and self-doubt. My career is changing courses, and I have no idea where it is going. Somehow it feels so calm when it should be terrifying me. I don't have any self-doubt about those decisions, but my parenting decisions are feeling hard.

Anise has added a new word to her vocabulary: "dada" to mean "baby". Her other words are:
daa-daa = cookie
daada = daddy
dah-dah = caca (or formally known in public as poo)
dodo = Koji (our dog), and more recently every other animal!

It is a language only I can understand, but it is perfectly clear.

And Anise is starting to walk. I wonder if there is anything else as exciting when it comes to a child's development. It is incredible to watch how it unfolds, and it is teaching me so much more about who she is. I have been attending a Waldorf inspired mom's playgroup (no kids) once a week, so far have only had 2 sessions, given by a former Waldorf instructor. It is a small group of 6 women and is held right around the corner from me. It has been a very inspiring and spiritual experience. Last night we were asked to say in 3 minutes who our child was. It was such an interesting exercise to have to verbalize who (we think) our child is. For me that was an difficult question because I tend to dislike that question. I find people label too easily, and fall into a trap of thinking they know who their child is without leaving room for change. If we label a child as difficult, or picky, then they will become that way. But all children are all things, easy, difficult, sleepless, picky, smart! I described Anise as someone who is not of this earth. The word I chose to use even though is does not reflect my religious beliefs was "heavenly" for lack of a better word. I also said that she was shy and confident, serious and playful, calm and spirited. And she is a gift.