Things change when they have to change. Anise has left me no choice but to make a change. Maybe she wants it, but it will be hard. I knew that nursing her to sleep somehow had to stop, I was hoping one night she would just roll over and fall asleep and that would be that. Instead she decided to bite me so much and so hard that nursing her to fall asleep is no longer an option. But she still wants to. She had a cold this week, her first big real cold. I thought it would be hell since her nose was too blocked to nurse, but she actually fell asleep without nursing a couple of times. It wasn't the milestone I was hoping for, it was more a sign of how sick she was feeling. Now that she is feeling better she wants to go back to her old ways. Well, not completely, she is nursing a lot less during the day. I could feel some "weaning" is starting to happen, and by her own choice. But how to get her to sleep is a mystery to me.
I need help. I need serious advice. I like advice, I take other people's advice when given, but I have not gotten any advice on this subject that actually helps, given the way things go, her habits and who Anise is.
The plan I have come up with is to do a sort of "pick up put down" baby whisperer thing, but lying down with Anise. I tried that today for Anise's nap, and it didn't go so badly, she actually seemed like she might fall asleep, and then she perked up and got really upset. At that point I decided to let her nurse and she did, she fell asleep and she was too tired to bite. So I thought that was a good beginning, I figured if she gets upset enough she will tire herself out a bit and then fall asleep quicker. So at 8:20 tonight I thought I would try it again. Forget it, she found a strong second wind and just when I thought she had cried enough and was ready, I nursed her and she bit me again! So I gave up, now she is playing upstairs (happily).
Tomorrow is Anise's birthday party, so it isn't the best night to be trying new things. Plus she still has remnants of her cold, another reason why the timing isn't so good. But now it doesn't even seem like I have a choice, I can't choose to do or not do anything, she is biting me, so there is nothing I can do. I will have to wait until she is tired enough, I guess my hopes for early bedtime are dashed. Plus I actually wanted to sneak out for one whole hour to go to a party tonight, I guess that won't be happening.
Why does it feel like I am the only person in the world who has had this particular pattern? Maybe because I am.
I don't think I have ever felt so alone. And incompetent. My husband has no idea that anything is even going on. This has become entirely my problem, and to make matters worse, Anise is in a phase where she won't even go happily to daddy, only me.
I am emotionless. I feel like crying but I can't cry. The only emotion I feel is anger and rage, directed towards guess who. I am channeling my fear and self-doubt to anger and resentment. Resentful that this has become my problem and not our problem. Anyway, what difference would it make if it were?
@%*&! This sucks!!!!!!!!
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I know you asked for advice. I have none. I did not breastfeed my son and he still, at almost four, struggles with sleep, so I feel any advice I gave would not be helpful.
ReplyDeleteThis much I know. you are not alone. I don't know you in full, know only these glimpses you offer here. I don't know your baby and her unique personality and needs. So, no, I dot really "get" it. but you are not alone in feeling tired, to empty to cry, worn down and resentful and alone.
Know that you are seen and that you are supported, for doing this how you know how.
may sleep come soon.
I am here, too. You are not alone. Although every baby is different, mothering is universal.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember everything we did, and I don't know if it will help, but here is another idea:
When our second was about 1 year we started a new routine - nurse before bedtime, but not to sleep. Then, brush teeth, read a book, etc. Then, into bed, and only water from a bottle or sippy cup until morning. And at the crying in the middle of the night, it worked better for us if Dad went to comfort him. Sometimes he just sat with the baby on his lap, and the cup of water, or let him crawl around a bit, in the dark, until he was sleepy again.
Whatever you end up doing, transitions are hard, and you need to be a team.
I hope the birthday party was fun, and that you all get some sleep soon.
Thank you gals... It really helps having your support.
ReplyDeleteRocket - I will try what you suggested.
Wish me luck!!