4 More Days

Putting the question out of my mind. Distracting myself. Not thinking about it.
But there is still a voice:

- I am getting my period
- My hair is still falling out, so I am not pg
- I have a bit of spotting, so it is my period for sure
- I am having hot and cold flashes
- I don't want to have to go through this again
- I should have rested more
- I should have gone for acupuncture
- I should have gone for hypnosis
- I should have gone to a naturopath
- I am too tired
- I am not ready for a baby
- I didn't call my new baby to me
- I am still nursing
- I have not been eating healthy enough
- I have not been exercising enough
- It is my fault
- I have nothing to do with it, it is pure luck
- I am getting old
- I don't even know for sure yet

The difference is this time I am not listening to this voice, but I am. Anise distracts, but every time I bend down (100 000 times per day) or pick her up (300 time a day) I feel that I am pushing that embryo out.

Wasn't I an intelligent, rational person? What happened to me?

4 more days...